I Held Back a Thousand Words To See You Smile
by hopefulsoull
Summary: Brooke's about to marry Julian but all she can do is think about Lucas..    Season 8


**Hey everyone I was really inspired yesterday and decided to write a small short! Since its inevitable Brooke is going to marry Julian this season I wrote it in a way that it gave some homeage to brucas. I wrote this short in a way to put a realistic OTH approach on it, if that makes any sense. I really do hope Lucas comes back for her wedding and they share some awesome meaningful scenes. In the meantime I hope you guys enjoy and review! Songs belong to Michelle Branch – Goodbye to You and Sarah Machlalan – I Will Remember You. Enjoy! =]**

I Held Back a Thousand Words to See You Smile

Today's the big day. I'm getting married. Me, Brooke Davis, getting married! Everything around me felt so surreal, I never thought I'd get to this point in my life where I could find that inner happiness and get to cherish it for the rest of my life. Julian Baker had me head over heels, he helped me when no one else could, stood by me and now we're going to stand next to each other moments from now saying our I Do's. Except-I wasn't happy. Now I know I just said inner happiness but today I'm anything but that. When I think about my time with Julian, I think about how he made me love again and shed away my insecurities. Then I think about how in an instant he was able to bring it all back, with that skank Alex. Yes their little thing is over and she's with Chase now. But, thats not the point. Julian couldn't even understand where I was coming from, he just told me to "deal with it". Egh, why am I thinking about this now? I have no idea where all these crazy thoughts are coming from, for christ sakes its my wedding day. A day where I'm supposed to glow like no other. I'm finally going to get the family I've always dreamed of like Haley and Nathan. I can't have my own children though, why do I always have to get the shitty circumstance's. Peyton didn't even have thoughts about becoming a mother yet bam she gets pregnant. With Luke.

Lucas Scott. Lucas freakin' Scott. The one boy I would of lost it all for. The boy who helped shape me become the woman I am today. If it wasn't for him, who knows if I would of changed at all from the party girl who hid her heart. I had so many good memories with him, we fell in love. He was the first boy I ever loved. I wanted the world for us. Fate however had a different plan. A plan involved in stomping all over my heart breaking it to pieces and making me witness the love of my life and best friend be together. Sometimes I wonder if I should of pushed him away.

I was stupid for ever thinking he'd be mine again "if you love something let it go, if it comes back then that's how you know, you're meant to be." I was always so insecure of him and Peyton and I guess those insecurities were right. That doesn't mean I haven't spent the last few years secretly pining after him, putting a strong front on. I had to sacrifice my happiness for Peyton. I could never hurt her, I didn't want to put her in the same position she put me in. I got Julian because of that. He gets me, understands me even if he did drive me crazy with my insecurities up the wall. Above everything, Julian's a great guy and I'm lucky to have found him.

Yet as I stand here in this beautiful one of a kind Clothes over Bro's wedding dress, I'm questioning myself. Julian Baker is always going to be my second choice. There wasn't a damn thing I could do to change that.

It's really hard to try and fight with your heart, Lucas Scott would always have this permanent place carved inside it. Luke was about to see my walk down the aisle, I bet he's going to be smiling. Of course he would, we're friends, he's happy for me. Seeing him smile is going to break my heart, god why did I have to invite him? This past year without him in Tree Hill has made things so much easier for me. And in a way its made things miserable. Of course, it's not like I couldn't have not invited him. He's married to Peyton my best friend who was going to be her undoubtedly.

I wonder if shes thinking the same thing I am. If all those years ago in high school we could of pictured our lives coming out like this? She's become an incredible mother, Sawyers one lucky girl. Haley's been through so much and still manages to come on top whether she be a teacher, singer and a fulltime mother. She and Nate really do depict the epic romance of all time. And then there's Lucas, famous writer and newly wed and new father. All the things I pictured our future would be but it isn't, he has it with someone else. And then there's me, my future's about to start in a few moments, with a different man.

"Brooke, are you ready?" I'm awakened by my thoughts as I turn around to see my other best friend Hale's in the doorway of my dressing room. I smile as she walks in.

"My god do you look gorgeous." Haley said as she placed her hand to her heart. "I'm so incredibly happy for you. This is your day. Your very special day. When you walk out there, you're going to make Julian Baker's heart melt. I'm so happy for you Brooke." Haley said as tears of joy started to pour down her eyes.

"Tutor mom! You are not allowed to cry, you're going to make me cry and ruin my awesome makeup which took forever to do!" Brooke said laughing as she hugged Haley. "It's not like were never going to see each other again."

"I know but you've grown up so much. I'm so glad your one of my best friend's."

"Well duh! And tell that gorgeous baby inside you I say hi!" Brooke said as she smiled and looked down at Haley's ever growing stomache. "She or he is sending a congratulation's right your way."

"When they come out Auntie Brooke is going to spoil them like no tommorrow."

"Brooke are you ready!" Peyton said as she as she emerged in the doorway as well. Brooke looked at herself one last time in the mirror then turned to look at her. She was going to be happy, it was her wedding day. She wasn't going to let Lucas Scott ruin her last shot at happiness.

Brooke then turned around and spoke "Lets go put this show on the road."

* * *

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The Pastor asked me as I looked into Julian's eyes and saw Luke's staring right back at me. It took all my composure to say "I do" Julian smiled as I smiled right back with mixed emotions of sadness and joy. When I walked down the aisle everyone stood up and looked at me in awe. I could hear people whispering how beautiful I looked. My mother walked me down the aisle, and moments later I was met by Julian. My bridesmaids all stood near me: Peyton, Haley and Millicent and Julian's best man was his old friend from LA. Jamie was adorable as ever as he was the ring barrier. It touched my heart to see so many people had made it out to the wedding, seeing Karen Roe made it even more magical for me. She felt like a surrogate mom to me for so many years. If you were to take a picture it would reflect nothing short of a perfect wedding.

I couldn't bare myself to look at Lucas when I walked down, he sat in one of the front rows. My eyes however gave in and looked in his direction, he gave me this look. I couldn't tap my finger on it. But, he smiled like I expected he would. I found myself glancing in between vows looking in his direction to see him playing with Sawyer's hands as he watched me and Julian. I cursed myself for letting his presence have such an effect on me.

_I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  
To a place where I am blinded by the light  
But it's not right_

" And do you Julian Baker promise to love and cherish this woman in sickness and death?"

"I do" Julian said with the outmost enthusiasm. We then placed our rings on each other and the Pastor said his final words. "With the powers invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride"

And that was it. As Julian placed his lips on me, we were finally married.

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

I couldn't believe that Brooke just got married. Brooke Davis. The girl who-or maybe still am madly in love with and went through so much with. Everything just hit me all at once. We were all growing up so fast. I look down at my beautiful daughter Sawyer, she's truly my angel. Things with Peyton haven't always been easy but when I see my daughter, everything just feels better. But, I know I'd be lying to myself to say my life's everything as I how I wanted it to turn out to be. Truth be told, the gorgeous woman in the ever flowing white sequined wedding dress, still has a toll on me. My pretty girl. The cheery to my broody. My everything, except she can't be. I always felt that Brooke never knew how much I loved her. It still hurts to this day that she pushed me away, but maybe if I hadn't gave in so easily I would be the one marrying her and not Julian. She's going to make an amazing wife, I just know it.

I often torture myself thinking about her, after I moved with Peyt we've barely talked except every now and then as a brief conversation on the phone. Just a couple years ago, we reconnected and I would ask myself if I should tell Brooke about my feelings and if we should give it another a try. But, then I do a complete 180 and ask Peyton to marry me. I guess I knew Brooke would ultimately reject me after everything I did. Peyton would always be there so I chose her. Maybe if I hadn't and actually fought for Brooke we'd be together this very moment. I had to push these thoughts out of my mind. Brooke was happy, I can't ruin that. And I couldn't hurt Peyton who regardless of everything I deeply love. I just don't love her as much as I love Brooke.

My best friend Haley just finished making a toast; I suddenly had the urge to go up there. I hadn't planned on saying anything but my heart was telling me to. I passed Sawyer on to my brother Nathan and went on the podium and took the Mic. Haley smiled at me but had a questioning look as she whispered to me "I didn't know were going to make a toast" I simply smiled and took the microphone and held my champagne in the other hand. I then lead my eyes to the direction of Brooke and Julian but solely looked at Brooke. She also had a confused look on her face and seemed anxious to see what I was going to say.

"Hello everyone as you all probably know I'm Lucas Scott, I hadn't planned on saying anything but looking at these two sharing their special day with all of us I knew I had to come make a toast. Brooke's been one of my oldest friends, we've been through a lot together but no matter what we always helped each other out. Julian I'm not as close with seeing as how we've practically come head to head at times" Lucas said letting out a chuckle. "But if he's as good as a director as he is I'm sure he'll be a good husband, I imagine their life to be as a movie. It'll have the good takes, the bad, the dramatic twists and the soulful songs whilst in the background. You guys truly deserve this day. Brooke, I hope you know how much I love you..and how much you mean to me. Once upon a time you once said, I hope someone says something nice to me on my wedding and I said that you could count on that. So I propose a toast to Brooke and Julian for sharing an Oscar worthy movie portraying a lifetime!" Lucas said as he waved his champagne in the air as everyone else followed in pursuit. He took a sip and had his eyes locked on Brooke. She mouthed a thank you and smiled, a smile like no other. A smile that was solely for him.

Lucas was rejoined by Peyton as they sat at their table and the DJ then announced it was time for the Bride and Groom's first dance.

"Well that was one heck of a speech, I'm sure you made the golden couple smile." Peyton said as she kissed Lucas on the cheek.

"I am a writer after all, I thought it would be wrong not to say something." Lucas said as he smiled.

"They look so happy, remember us on our wedding night? Wow, theres been so many weddings of late." Peyton said as she watched them in awe. Lucas felt himself grow uncomfortable watching them be so intimate, he wished it was he who was holding her.

"The drinks at the bar are amazing" Karen said as she sat down at their table.

"Ma, aren't you a little old to drink?"

"Excuse me? It's a wedding and Deb's not the only mom allowed to party. And aw look at Brooke, such a beauty. My shes become into such an incredible woman."

Brooke and Julian's dance then came to an end but another slow song came on as the DJ invited other couples to come on the floor. "Come on Luke!" Peyton said as she took his hand to the dance floor. Naley, Mouth and Millicent and other couples followed in pursuit.

* * *

"Have I ever told you how much I loved you?" Julian said as he looked at his now wife in his arms as they danced.

"Yes but keep em coming, sure know how to make a girl feel special." Brooke said grinning.

" I still wish we had gotten the band though, not that the DJ isn't great."

"Gosh you directors and your fancy details, we party Brooke Davis style" Brooke said as she twirled away.

"You mean Brooke Davis Baker style" Julian said as he spun her again She felt an odd lump in her throat being called a Baker, guess its going to take some time getting used to. She saw Lucas dance with Peyton who then switched to dance with Haley. Mouth then appeared behind her and asked to whisk her away.

"Julian you don't mind if I dance with your wife do ya?" Mouth said as Julian chuckled and let him do so, Julian than took Millicent by the hand.

Brooke and Mouth laughed about some old story as they were dancing and a figure appeared behind Mouth and tapped him on the back.

"Mind if I dance with the bride?"

"She's all yours" Mouth said as she passed Brooke to Lucas. Lucas gently wrapped his arms around her as Brooke felt herself almost choke. Being in his arm's felt so good, they hadn't ever been this close...in so long.

_Remember the good times that we had?  
I let them slip away from us when things got bad  
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun  
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one  
_

" I hope you got my thank you. That speech was incredible Luke."

"You're incredible, pretty girl." Lucas said without even realizing his nickname for her slipped out.

Brooke felt her heart tug even more but forced a smile. "I guess you can thank Victoria for that"

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by__  
Weep not for the memories_

"Brooke. I know we haven't talked that much lately but I want you to know how much you mean to me. You're always going to have this big impact on my life. The moment you walked into my life, my world went upside down..in a good way. I'm really happy for you that you found one to complete you and love you forever..because you deserve it so much. And wherever life takes you, just know I'll always be there for you."

_Standin' on the edge of something much too deep  
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word  
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard  
_

"Lucas...you have got to stop saying things like that." Brooke said as a tear slipped from her eyes.

" I'm sorry..what's wrong?"

" It's nothing..just when you say all these wonderful things to me, I can't help but feel sad..and think about a time when there was an us..." Brooke said softly as she lowered her head. "I know I shouldn't be saying that at a time like this but for some reason it still hurts and I know I just completely screwed our friendship again…I know you love Peyton and I love Julian..I just married him but then theres you and my mind and heart go spinning in a million directions..and I'm talking way too much and I.."

"I love you Cheery..I always will." Lucas said as tears began to fall from his eyes too. He didn't care if people saw, right now all that mattered was comforting Brooke even if he was the one causing the pain.

" Love's a funny thing isn't it? Not a word you say will be able to screw up our friendship Brooke. I know you're going to make that boy happy as hell. You have a knack for doing that, one of Miss Davis' fine qualities are driving a man crazy and trying to keep him on his toes. And about what you just said..we'll always have a past but that doesn't mean we can't have a future..I'm your friend Brooke and I hope your mine..and I hope you'll call more often and I hope we can take our kids together on future play dates at the park and be at a good place. What do you say?"

"I say B Davis will always be knocking on your door Broody..." Brooke said smiling a smile for the first time that night wasn't filled with sadness, a smile that made her glow.

_Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose__  
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night  
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light  
And I will remember you_

They both hoped that in the back of their minds, their future wasn't what they said it was..they hoped somehow a miracle would be given to them in which they could be together fulfilling their dreams together and not having to live with second best. Whether it be years from now, or another lifetime. They hoped they wouldn't have to hurt the people they've chosen to be with and love right now. But hope, was merely a word. Who knows where their lives will take them in ten years and if there was such a thing as another lifetime? Brooke Davis and Lucas Scott would always love each other but sometimes, the greatest love stories had the saddest and most tragic of endings.

As they stared into each other's eyes sharing their last intimate dance, before they had to return to their significant other's; they both held back a thousand words, a thousand words they could say that could change everything...but they couldn't. They held back a thousand words to see the other smile.


End file.
